I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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