____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
two words...techno handjob
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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