he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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