I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
3pm strippers are depressing
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
