Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
