considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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