Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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