You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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