As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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