My friends, they love my intelligence
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
