I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
