So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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