Banned from zoo.
Again?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
