I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
