I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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