my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think my fart just growled at me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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