I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
