If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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