Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
