Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
