Someone shit on the floor
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
zippers are such a cool invention
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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