at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
