pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
