Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
