dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
