You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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