Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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