He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
