laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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