if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
now i know why i became what i already was.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
