if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
