Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
