if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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