ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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