i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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