Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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