That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
