I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
