I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
