i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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