I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
