I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
