The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
