His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I want a musical about memes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
