I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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