I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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