there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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