Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
