I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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