you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
