Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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