apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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