he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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