real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
