I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
