never play flip cup with pint glasses
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
