I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Having a random hookup so left but love u
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
